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23 juni 2011

I need to cut my carb intake ,Bread and crackers always seem to find me..
I'm off to play I will walk the entire course..

After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's recreational preferences:

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.

3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.

5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.

6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.

Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.....

Two teens were in a doctor's waiting room. The girl was sobbing.

"Why are you crying?" asked the boy.

"I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger," said the girl.

When he heard this, the boy started to cry.

"Why are you crying?" asked the girl.

The boy looked at her and said,

"I'm here for a urine test."

(11 kommentarer)

21 juni 2011

I went to doctor's appointment and talked about my numbers...BP 110/62 blood sugar 65, cholesterol was 118.these were all bests for me...I'm off to play and I will walk the entire course....

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

I intend to live forever – so far, so good

I got a gun for my wife, best trade I’ve ever made.

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

Life is simple, its just not easy.

One Sunday morning, the priest saw a little boy staring up at the large plaque that hung in the church's foyer. The plaque was covered with names and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.

"Father," the boy asked, "what is this?

"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service," the priest explained. They stood together quietly, staring at the memorial plaque.

The Little boy then asked, "Which service was it? The 9:00 or the 10:30?"

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.

One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

The other replies, "Oh sure I do."

The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"

The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."

After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

(17 kommentarer)

19 juni 2011

I'm playing a round early today ,and we're doing face time with my kids and baby Will..I'm having a big RIBEYE for dinner Yum....
I hope everyone had a Happy Father's Day..

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

A little boy went with his father to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he ran to tell his his mother that there were 2 boy kitties and 2 girl kitties.
"How do you know?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied, "I think it's printed on the bottom."

"The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf."

Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could
conceive of one inch equaling a hundred miles

There are three stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus; he doesn’t
believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work or prison.

You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths.

A man in the house is worth two in the street.

Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.

Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.

A succesful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A succesful woman is one who can find such a man.

A genius is a man who can rewrap a new shirt and not have any pins left over.

The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his chest.

Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.

Beware of two kinds of men, domestic and foreign.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

Men who don’t understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.

Man has will, but woman has her way.

If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in North America. The rest cheat in Europe.

A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.

Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near.

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they’re both on fire – they’re exactly alike.

(7 kommentarer)

17 juni 2011

I'm maintaining well...I'm off to play I will walk the entire course...

Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

May your neighbors respect you - troubles neglect you - the angels protect you - and Heaven accept you.

a drunk comes out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, ''I'm Jesus Christ.''

The first priest says, ''No, son, you're not.''

So the drunk says it to the second priest.

The second priest replies, ''No, son, you're not.''

The drunk says, ''Look, I can prove it.'' and walks back into the bar with the priests.

The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims, ''Jesus Christ, you're in here again?''

A man is in a bar having a drink. The guy next to him falls off of his barstool. The man picks up the guy and sits him back on the barstool, and he falls off again. This time he picks the guy up and asks, ''Where do you live?'' Being a kind soul, the man takes the guy to his car, puts him in the back seat, and drives him home. When they get to the guy's house, the man helps the guy out of the car, but he falls down 3 times before getting to the front door. The man rings the doorbell and the guy's wife comes to the door. The man says, ''Hello, I've brought your husband home.''The wife looks at the man and asks, ''Where the HELL is his wheel chair?''

(12 kommentarer)

15 juni 2011

I went out to play today and I wore the present that my wife gave me for Father's day...I didn't like it at first but then it look pretty good when I put it on...So I thank her and off I went...
If you can't guess what I got take a closer look...Yep that's right she got me a new "HAT".....everybody insisted I join their threesome and tee off first and "hit" from the ladies TEE too...You don't have to tell me twice...I even got help washing my Balls... lol...I walked the entire course Too!...HeeHee

The police asked Tiger Woods wife how many times she hit him.She said
"I don't know exactly...put me down for a 5."

Tiger Woods owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

Hello, Mr. Woods. This is the On Star operator. We have detected that an angry person has put a golf club through your window. We've called Nike. A new club is on its way.

Woods new movie: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.

Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par.

(11 kommentarer)

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