thecoach 's dagbok

thecoach 's profil | Vikthistorik

76 till 80 av 369

Sida: Föregående ... 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 ... Nästa

04 juni 2011

I walked on the treadmill this morning....Got my peanuts and i'm headed to my son's game...

"Here's my philosophy on dating. it's important to have somebody that can make you laugh, somebody you can trust, somebody that, y'know, turns you on...and it's really, really important that these three people don't know each other."

When you put 'THE' and 'IRS' together, it forms 'THEIRS'. Coincidence? I think not!

Would a fly without wings be called a "walk"?

What color am I thinking of between 1 and 43?

It is never tomorrow, it's always today!

When you get pulled over and the cop says "Your eyes look red have you been drinking?" repond with "Well officer your eyes look glazed have you been eating doughnuts?"

I'm so busy doing nothing that I can't do anything else.

I've given up the search for reality; now I'm just looking for a really good fantasy

If a someone comes up to you and asks "What's your sign," just reply "DO NOT ENTER!"

Sticks and stones may break my bones,But whips and chains excite me.

In Some Cultures, What I Do Is Considered Normal!

The orange juice box said concentrate ... so I am ...nothing is happening...my head is starting to hurt.....

If opportunity doesn't knock...build a door.

I always give 100% at work:
13% Monday
22% Tuesday
26% Wednesday
35% Thursday
4% Friday

Ever noticed how all women's problems begin with men?
MENtal illnes....MENstrual cramps...MENtal breakdown....MENopause...GUYnocologist

A wise man once said, "To be old and wise, first you have to be young and stupid".

God made man before women because you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece.

When life hands you lemons....grab the tequila and salt:)

Men are like a pack of cards... you need a heart to love them, a diamond to marry them, a club to beat them, and a spade to bury the body!

When God made girls He was so proud. When God made boys He was so upset. When God made me He was just showing off!lol.....

There are two signs that indicate if you're delusional.
One is HAIR on your knuckles......and the second one is looking for that hair....HeeHee...you were SO looking.... weren't you!.......

(15 kommentarer)

03 juni 2011

it's so nice here today. I 'm maintaining well and exercise is good. I'm off to play and I will walk the entire course...

Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view.

Incase of fire scroll down!!
.
.
.
I said in case of a fire didn't I........

Hey, if I wanted to hear from an ass right now ,I would have farted!

Statistics say those who eat live longer than those who don't, so I am eating right now

If only men could be as satisfying as chocolate.

The food in my kitchen is calling my name and the chocolates are yelling the loudest....I better go see what they want!

Popcorn,Candy,Soda n Fries I know I know I know.. straight to the thighs

I am replenishing the nutritional supplements my body needs to maintain homeostasis and keep an adequate energy balance.

I'm doing that thing again. You know, the one where you pick the food up, put it in your mouth, swallow it, then repeat the process until the stomach hurts.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Having a smoking section in eating areas is like having a peeing area in a pool...

If con is the opposite of pro, what's the opposite of progress?

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday.

If God sneezed, what would you say?

Some people make things happen, some watch while things happen, and some wonder "What happened?"

Cher is joining the Spice Girls tour ...she'll be known as "OLD SPICE"

If Hooters delivered would they be called knockers?

If a tree falls in the woods ... Do all the other trees laugh at it?

If Your parents had never had any children then it's very unlikely that you will.

If I am happy and I know it and my face will surely show it, then why do I still have to clap my hands? What? You don't trust my face?

I am nobody...nobody is perfect...therefor i am perfect.

(11 kommentarer)

01 juni 2011

Thank you all for the low carb snacks ...I'm off to take a walk Ok so it's on the golf course as log as I'm there I might as well play a round....lol
I will now upgrade my Brain.....searching.....searching.....searching.....still searching..
Sorry no brain....found.....

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.

If people are trying to bring you down....That only means that you above them...

You know what pisses me off? People who point at the wrist when asking the time, I know where my watch is buddy where they hell is yours? I mean do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is??

I put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'

I wanted to kill the sexiest person alive...But suicide's a crime :-/

I used to hate it when aunts and grandmas, used to come up to me at weddings and pinch my cheeks and say "Your next" "Your next". Well they stopped doin that crap when i started to do it to them at funerals.

Take a few chances you wish you had later, live life a little more, fear a little less, and remember, When life gives you lemons, throw them back and tell life to MAKE ITS OWN DAMN LEMONADE!

Rules of me:
#1. i am always right
#2, just in case i am wrong see rule #1

Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking.

I am not currently available right now. However, if you would like to be transfered to another correspondent, please press the number that best fits your personality:
-If you are obsessive compulsive, please press "1" repeatedly.
-If you are codependant, please ask someone to press "2".
-If you have multiple personalitites, please press "3", "4", and "5".
-If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace your call.
-If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the little voice will tell you which number to press.
-If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter what number you press,
no one will answer you...ever.....

Leave a message, and I'll answer you back later.
Leave a SEXY message and I'll ANSWER you NOW!!!

(17 kommentarer)

31 maj 2011

I'm doing well maintaining, I off to play a round and I will walk the entire course... Any Ideas for low carb snacks?

You can't have everything....where would you put it?

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

A day without sunshine is like, well, night

Men only have two faults....What they do, and what they say!

In order to get the handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you’re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for. Unless it’s a death by meteor wish you made.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference

I am in my own little world but it's okay they know me here.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing :either the car is new or his wife.

Life is Hard... That's why they invented the pillow

To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.

Love thy neighbor. But don't get caught.

Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

Trust your husband, adore your husband, But get as much as you can in your own name

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.----

When you ASSUME you make an A-S-S out of U and Me.

People like me are the reason people like you need medication.

I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.

We always like those who admire us; we do not always like those whom WE admire.

(18 kommentarer)

27 maj 2011

We're leaving tomorrow go see my Baby "Will"... i see a BBQ in my future Yum.....

A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart. When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.

Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing here?"

"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.

"What's so funny about that?"

"I'm a gynecologist."

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

This guy is in the hospital with two broken legs that he got from a car crash.

The nurse comes into the room that he is in and says that she has good news and bad news.

The guy asks for the bad news first.

The nurse says, ’’We’re going to have to remove your legs.’’

Then the guy asks for the bad news.

The nurse says, ‘’The guy beside you wants to buy your sneakers.’’

(10 kommentarer)

thecoach 's vikthistorik

Se komplett historik