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I'm maintaining the best i can,i'm off to play i will walk the entire course...
Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life.
I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on..
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
I either Get what I want or I change my mind
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten
It may be your sole purpose in life to serve as a warning to others
The sex was so good for me the other night that even my neighbors had a cigarette
If something goes without saying, LET IT!
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep
I get enough exercise pushing my luck.
You know you are addicted to coffee if ...
You chew on other people's fingernails.
You don't sweat, you percolate
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas
People get dizzy just watching you.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not
plugged in.
You help your dog chase its tail
You answer the door before people knock.
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse
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