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I'm going to play a round with SIL and his buddies...I think this time I can hold my own ....Game that is...lol
Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch.
The next time you feel like complaining remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.
The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
To steal ideas from oneperson is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Beware of the toes you step on today.
They could be attached to the ass you may have to kiss tomorrow.
You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.
Does time really fly when you're having sex or was it really just one
minute?
You know, they got a luggage store in the airport? A place to buy a piece of luggage? How late do you have to be for a flight where you're like, 'Screw it - just grab a pile of shit. We'll get a bag at the airport'.
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.
Without nipples, breasts would be ...well pointless.
The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who
thinks he's wrong.
America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.
To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye.
See, God does have a sense of humor he gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Isn't it odd the way everyone automatically assumes that the goo in soap dispensers is always soap? I like to fill mine with mustard, just to teach people a lesson in trust.
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
Progress is made by lazy people looking for an easier way to do things.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end
and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between "shit" and "syphilis"
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?
The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.
I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.
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