gonegirl40 's dagbok

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05 januari 2022

January 5, 2022

My stress level is high today. Yesterday I straight up ate a Greek panini with curly fries. My apartment building has mold issues, not just my apartment but my neighbors as well and it’s this constant battle trying to get my landlord to fix it, correctly. Half of the tenants in my building are mentally handicapped and I want to help them to ensure all of our safety, despite the fact that I’m going to be moving out in hopefully a few months if I can ever find a house in NJ for me and my Mom so I can be her caregiver.

So anyhow, the panini was delicious but I regret it. Feeling a bit discouraged at the moment, BUT I’m eating chia pudding with blueberries and it’s yummy.

Thanks for the vent sesh lol

XO
Michelle

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04 januari 2022

Made some chia “pudding” for breakfast today! It’s not bad although I think I needed more seeds to make it thicker. I used oat milk and chia seeds then boiled down some fresh blueberries for my yummy topping. I love blueberries, my teeth…not so much haha

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03 januari 2022

January 3, 2022

Went to the grocery store last night after sleeping most of the day lol Anxietttttyyy 😬😂 Evidently if you go after 6 there’s like nothing left on the shelves. I’m not going to lie to you guys, I wanted to make vegetable soup and it calls for fresh parsley but there wasn’t any….well I saw some loose leaves that had been left behind and I saved them and put them in my soup lol never did that before, but don’t worry I washed them 🤪

My soup wasn’t that great I have to tweak it. I put zucchini, whole tomatoes, onion, pepper, green beans, carrots, and celery. I’m not great with flavoring so I used vegetable broth, garlic, salt, pepper and Italian seasonings. It’s just not doing it for me 😭 Now I don’t know what to do to make it better, also I have SO MUCH! Help!! Lol

In other news, it was back to work today and that was torture. I miss my girl Betty White and have been watching the Hokden Girls all day.

Much love,
Michelle

Ps I can’t see what I’m typing so if this isn’t English my bad lol

(3 kommentarer)

02 januari 2022

January 2, 2022

I just want to say a sincere thank you to everyone who took the time to comment on my first post. It meant so much to me to see how the words of encouragement and support. This is the first time I’ve ever publicly talked about my weight and my struggles and I wasn’t sure what to expect on this app. I knew I could count calories, but I didn’t realize there was a whole community out there. It makes me feel like I’m not alone on this journey and that means a lot. I will have to figure out how this newsfeed works so I can follow all of you as well and we can support each other along our journeys!

Today I will face the almighty grocery store! I plan to put in my headphones and listen to music while I shop. My hope is that if I see something tempting I’ll just dance my way right past it lol

Eating healthy is the goal, but I’m not the best cook and not very creative in the kitchen when it comes to meals so I tend to eat the same thing over and over again because it’s easy. I also have a lot of food restrictions I primarily put on myself, non-dairy, non-sugar, vegan. Food has been my enemy my whole life and I’m trying to change the way I think about it, which is hard.

I was a baker, a very good baker, that’s how I got to the size I am now, ugh. Baking was my passion, I loved it so much, but I discovered I was addicted to sugar, and had to give up baking and sugar. I had no self control over it. I couldn’t just eat one cookie or cupcake, I’d eat the whole thing, and it was embarrassing. I’ve never figured out how to control myself around sugar. It really is a dangerous drug. I say drug because it’s more addictive than cocaine. And the worst part about sugar is that it’s literally in everything, and it’s so hard to avoid completely. Pizza, I love pizza, if pizza were a man I’d marry it I love it so much lol But I’m sure there’s sugar in the sauce and maybe even some dough, and I can eat the whole thing, which isn’t good. I’m really trying to figure it out but it’s so hard.

When it comes to dairy, my body is just like nope, nope, nope lol Breaks my damn heart! I love dairy! Sour cream, yogurt, cheese! Can’t have any of it or I get sick. Aside from the occasional pizza, which is worth the pain, I’ve had to give it all up. The good news is that in todays world there’s lots of vegan options now. Planet Oat Extra Creamy is the perfect cream replacement in coffee, so I don’t feel like I’m missing anything there. And there’s some vegan cheeses that aren’t bad, like Chao and Violife, but some of them are the worst lol

And when it comes to meat, I’ve never been a big red meat eater, but I loved chicken. If you are a meat love I don’t recommend watching the documentaries on the meat and dairy industries, boy oh boy it was hard to recover mentally lol I still eat meat but not very often. I’d say I’m mostly vegan at this point. My doctor said vegan diets tend to be high in carbohydrates which can also affect your health so it’s just like what now?! Ugh.

My relationship with food is just not a good one, it’s very toxic. I’m working with a therapist to try to change my negative associations with food but it’s a very slow process.

Anyhow, I’m off to the grocery store, wish me luck! I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing lol

XO
Michelle

(20 kommentarer)

01 januari 2022

January 1, 2022

Today I begin my journey to happiness and good health! I’m starting the year weighing in at 294.2 lbs. My goal is to lose 120 lbs by the end of the year. I’m an emotional overeater, a binge eater, so I’m hoping to also shed the trauma that leads me to eat my emotions when I’m feeling overwhelmed and anxious. I want to develop healthy ways to work through my emotions, and find compassion for myself, the same way I do for others.

When I have a bad day, I’ll forgive myself.
When I eat something unhealthy, I’ll forgive myself.

When I start losing weight, I’ll feel proud.
When I reach my goal, I’ll feel grateful.

Wishing everyone a healthy, new start to a wonderful year. If you’re reading this, your alive. Much to be grateful. So many aren’t as lucky.

Much love,
Michelle

Vikt:	Tappat hittills:	Kvarvarande:	Kosten följs:
133,4 kg	9,0 kg	54,1 kg	Ganska bra

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