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Good evening, FatSecret.
Yup, it's evening - or rather night (around midnight) here in Denmark. I figured I might as well write Sunday's journal entry already.
I can't sleep. Again.
My body is SO tired, and so is my head, but I have so much discomfort that I just can't find a position where I can relax and let go.
I try to toss and turn, but I can't because of my body's post surgery weakness and the added weight from all the fluids. It's crazy.
I can not imagine how I used to do this at 155 kgs, now that I feel how hard it is at 83 (at least, that is what I weighed last time I checked).
I feel like a beached whale.
One of the issues is the gidle. It is SO uncomfortable. I was promised that I'd be able to take it off at night by now, but the doctor thought it a bad idea since I have all the fluid build-up. The girdle helps keeping things in place and helps the skin to not expand, so she is probably right - I will keep it on until she's had a look at me.
This should happen Monday or Tuesday. I'm supposed to call Monday morning and get an appointment.
I might simply jump on the train and go there early, to be there for what ever time slot comes available. It's a 90 minute ride by bus and train, and I would hate to miss a chance to go Monday just because I have to get there first.
I have no post-op pains tonight, just bad, bad discomfort. My my back is aching because I can't find a comfortable position to be in, I get tense, I get annoyed and frustrated and it makes me not able to sleep. Hrfmfff...
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Today went much better than yesterday, though. I took it much more easy than I have for days, and I could tell that my strength lasted until bed time, around 10 PM.
Wife and I got up at 6, after I slept 9 hours, and we went out shopping. It's a very short walk, about 10 minutes or so, and we took it very slow. Maybe it took 15. After we shopped - Wife carried all the stuff and I feel so bad about making her do the work - we went to sit down in the little restaurant where we usually have our Saturday lunch. We were there way early, so we got some cold water and some coffee, pulled out the tablets and entertained ourselves while we were waiting.
It was pretty good, as I probably needed a good chunk of rest after the walk and the shopping. I had surprisingly little appetite, and only ate a small plate, even if several of my favorites were on the buffet today. They have this nice fruit salad thing also, which makes an awesome, relatively okay dessert. I got a good chunk of it, had one bite and could tell that my body didn't want it. I had no problem putting it away. Actually, it was a really good feeling to do so.
Coming home, I had a pleasant surprise.
During my mental prep for surgery, and all my journaling here about it, a buddy of mine - Sarah - told me that she was recommended to wash with Zest soap before and after the surgery, that something with that soap made it super good in this regard. She had followed that recommendation, and have had NO issues at all.
She was such a dearie and offered to send me some, as I can not get Zest in Denmark. Sometimes I feel like I live in a frickin' third world country. Anyways, she sent it, but shipping it my plane would cost a small fortune - I think something like eighty dollars - and this was obviously not an option. We decided to try for a cheaper solution, hoping that it wouldn't take too long.
Well, it took about three weeks! LOL! The package finally got here today, and I am so thankful to her for doing it. It was nice to get, not only for the soap (or for the sugar free chocolate pudding powder that was in there too!), but also for the recognition that someone out there is thinking of me now after the surgery. It means a lot. Thank you so much Sarah!
The rest of the day I rested. Rested, rested, rested. I even tried to take a nap, but as always I never managed to fall asleep. I just lay there, but my body liked the rest at that point.
Why did it love me laying down for 30 minutes in the afternoon, but not in the evening? Damn body! LOL.
We've been watching tv-shows all day, and a couple of movies too, and that is what we are planning to do tomorrow too. Very boring, but I need this. I probably will NOT go outside tomorrow, just stay indoors and relax.
I do think I have been TOO active earlier this week, and that this is what has kicked my butt. I am not sure if my fluctuation around the wound is related to that, but I am sure my lack of energy is.
Thankfully, the good night's sleep last night made me able to concentrate on watching tv today. It made my day so much easier to take.
So now I am sitting in my "good chair", and as soon as I am done writing this journal, I will recline it all the way back, put my feet up, pull a blanket over me and give sleeping another try.
I don't think going to bed is gonna be an option tonight. It is simply too uncomfortable for me.
I can not believe how much different I feel because of the few kgs I have gained. I feel like I am being weighed down like crazy. How did I ever manage to move around at 155 kgs?!?! This is definitely a thought-provoking eye opener.
I hope these kgs comes off easily again, and soon. I know that they are worth fighting for, as soon as my body is ready to get rid of them. I just hope that not too much of the weight is gonna turn up being fat gain.
I stopped counting calories again, and I stopped weighing in because the numbers are driving me crazy. My weight fluctuates so much that it's ridiculous, and right now I am gaining and gaining and gaining to a point where it's not even funny anymore.
I try to eat somewhat right, and drink my water. I try to be good to myself. I try to give my body nutritional building blocks to recover. I hope it works.
Other than the fluctuation, it looks like I am healing nicely. The wound looks healthy, and the bruising is generally weening off. I have some new bruising on my lower back, and I am not sure why it's there. Maybe I bend forward too often and too much. I gotta watch out for that. It's hard though. I hate having to ask for help constantly, and I like to try doing things myself. I know I need to ask whenever I need help, and I generally do, but sometimes things seems like something I could do, or sometimes when I don't think about it I simply forget until I already did it. Strange, isn't it?
Anyways,
Tonight I am NOT thanful for:
- My damn body keeping me awake.
However, I AM thankful for:
- Having a wonderful day with Wife.
- Feeling much better than I did Friday.
- Cheese Enchiladas - home made from scratch - for dinner. Wife is such an amazing cook!
Good night, I hope. Life is good!
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