WisteriaSky233 's dagbok, 28 jun 24

Try to visualize you being the one to make him leave. You were wanting to but were afraid. I think part of you is still in shock that he left first. But, a narcissist will hurt you even on the way out. You are in a better place. Do a visualization board of your future life. All the things you wanted but weren’t allowed to do, see, feel, etc. keep up the positive interactions with your friends and family. Hell, get another kitten if you want! Also, small mind trick that’s helped my weight loss and positivity. I go to bed mentally saying my gratitude’s for the day but more importantly telling myself that I will sleep great, awake rested and ready for the day. I talk positively to myself about what each tomorrow will hold. Allow only positive thoughts during this time. The negative will try and try hard but after some practice you can just mentally say nope you’re not allowed here! You’ve got this! And you are safe. 

@Mello B Thanks. Actually there's other issues that occurred. While some of it is divorce related, there's secondary hurts. And I'm left feeling more alone by all of the issues. I am in the sadness when I don't eat much. My stomach hurts all the time. And walking was my relief and it reminds of my hurts. Today trying to spend time with by bestie before she moves away. One of the other issues.  

Have you thought about seeking out counseling? There are a lot of resources out there that can help.  

It doesn't rain unless it pours sometimes! "Disaster in threes" is usually an underestimate - seems like bad things happen in bunches. When I looked for a counselor even some ot the ones I interviewed didn't understand what I was going through! In the end I did find an excellent therapist who really just guided me so skillfully that it felt so easy to get through what I had to get through. I hope you find some comfort bit by bit in the changes. 

Deadline or dread-line? Yours is yours so don’t give yourself away..and brush up on your left hook !! 

It's hard. I'm generally a very joyful person and have an easy time meeting people, but there were many days after my separation when getting out the front door was a struggle. When all I wanted to do was hide from the world under my blankets. Many times when I had piles of work to do but all I could do was zone out at my desk overcome by the anxiety. I was the bad guy, the one who blew it up, nevermind that I sacraficed everything for the sake of a marriage that took more than I could give. With a decimated support system, and relocating to a new state far from the few people that have kept me afloat, the past six months have been so hard. I can feel the tide turning though. I've been going to therapy for the past couple months, and I think I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. You will get there. You are going to thrive. Remember who you are and don't let your circumstances stop you from loving yourself. Force yourself to see the beauty that exists in the natural world. Remind yourself how much joy you have found in life in the past, what things brought you peace, and no matter how much you don't want to do anything some days. Do things. You can learn to be proud of yourself again. But also show yourself grace. Afford yourself the bad days. Listen to sad music. Cry. Take mushrooms, and cry a whole lot more. Trust the process. There is love waiting for you to be ready to grab it. 

Thinking of you :,- ( 

I like what Mello B said. 

It looks like you were pinning your hopes on someone who was there for you to unload on about your unhappy marriage but wasn't in it for a true relationship. Consider yourself lucky he let you know early that he didn't want more than that. He could have taken advantage of your vulnerability. Now, you need to focus on yourself. Spend time with friends & family doing things you enjoy. Spend time alone....crying if you need to, but figuring out what will make you happy without depending on another person to give you that. Choose a different route to walk, so you're getting your exercise & release from that. If you think it will help, find a therapist so you can work on why you've ended up where you are.  

Grief, whether through a loss of a relationship or through death is a tough journey. You will get through this. Remember back to who you were before all this happened. Before he came into your life. I'm working towards finding a better version of the old me. The independant, self sufficient, strong capable woman that seems to have disappeared in the short term. She will come back, will just take time as it will with you. Hang in there sister!  

This morning I am right there with you. My weight is just not moving off...not a pound! Wisteria, let's just get back on the darn pony and keep pushing ourselves to ride harder!. When I turned 65 in October, it was like a light switch and the weight came on quickly. Girl, we are in control of our bodies and what we eat. I'm know I'm eating wrong. That is why I gained weight.  

Kickboxing. 

Divorce was the darkest hole of depression I ever went through. I got professional help and it made all the difference.😎 

my prayers are with you, it's going to take a little time to heal but you will be okay, and one day you will look back and say, it doesn't even bother me anymore.  

Agree with what SherryeB said 

Talk with your friend, confide in your Mom. You need to get your heartache out. 

I’m so sorry . Grief takes a toll on the mind , body and spirit . Saying a prayer for you . Please God carry the heavy hearts . Here and everywhere .🙏🩵 

Look up different trails around your area or even 30 to 45 mins away and get a completely different place to hike even for one day for one hour to help clear your head and get a change of scenery. Just my suggestion. Lots of people here have good ideas and insights, people are here for you and support you, take that to heart 💜 

Self reliance is a skill learned before perceived and protection against relationship fatigue.. 

Yesterday I spent all day with my mom and hid my sadness. I stayed up late and slept in today. The pain is lessening a bit. I am sad but not sobbing randomly. Week days are worse though.