WisteriaSky233 's dagbok, 25 jun 24

Hope for what wisteria? Take a beat. This is a process. Give yourself grace and allow yourself to go thru it. These things are not easy. 

I just don't want judgment I have had enough pain in my life.  

Sounds like you've developed a little bit of a rut, have you ever had periods of mania before? If you've never had an issue with it before it's like you get stuck on an emotional cycle where you just kind of get in the same thought pattern over and over and you can't stop you just get stuck. It doesn't mean necessarily you're mad or happy or energetic you could be any of those or all of them or cycle through them it typically just means that once you're in the cycle you're kind of stuck for a while it doesn't have to be triggered with bipolar but Ryan gets it with his bipolar so I've learned to recognize periods of mania. Looks up the symptoms on Google and see if this sounds right. so some of the things I do to help him are the five steps calm for anxiety, changing location, getting him to exercise (short jog, walk, etc), when weather permits I get him outside (natural places seem to help; peaceful I think 🤔), send him out with a friend to get a mental break. I'm sorry WisteriaSky, it's not fair or nice but people are judgy but that doesn't mean you aren't a good person and worthy of love 💕. It just means their judgemental people and mean 🤷 and I know that hurtful. But remember that not everyone in the world just a small percentage of people okay 😊 you are a wonderful woman. You got this one day at a time. 

@Leah_guffey Feeling foolish and let down by recent events. Not necessarily regretting my decisions just feeling bad at the endings. Feeling like giving up on people entirely for a while.  

I'm sorry. i hope you feel better.  

Please don’t give up. I have just just had a horrible day, but I have family support. You have support here and probably more. 

Not sure what you are going through but remember you’re not alone. We are rooting for you. 

You’ve made some heavy life changing decisions. It’s going to be a roller coaster of emotions for a while. Feel your feeling. Work through em. One day you feel invincible the next day you question your emotions. Totally normal. Take your time; everyone heals and deals with things at their own pace. Keep your head up and don’t forget to take care of yourself too, find what brings your peace and tranquility. You got this. One day at a time. 

for better sleep, i recommend trying unisom. non-habit forming. really helps falling asleep and staying asleep. that improved sleep quality with help tremendously on your brain. you went thru a massive lifestyle change. this is like...a mourning period. It's ok to not be ok. In time, you will find your footing and come out of this dark tunnel into the light. You got this! wishing you well thru the healing! 

DAZEY_iz_Well Thanks, well it hurts that someone I thought was going to be there decided overnight that I wasn't worth compromise of any single thing. Worse, painted me as someone that is controlling. But I still have people just really sad about this turn of events.  

Ouch, was this supposed to be the best friend? Thats a tough water to navigate. Im sorry that happened...keep those close that support you! Is there a chance ex brain-washed this person? I ask this because: When my best friend was trying to leave her abusive ex after 15 years, her ex actually texted me and say how crazy she was being. I let her know he was messaging me these things. he managed to get all of her close family on his side, that she was in need of mental help and was unstable. She left him and now 2 years later she is doing much better and her family came around and realized the truth. 

Giving you my tiny Irish Catholic Nana's advice every time a 'friend' would upset me, 'You just tell them to Go To Hell'! 

DAZEY_iz_Well My friend disagreed with some of the choices I had made. Then when it blew up in my face just was like. Learn a lesson and "I don't know why you're so upset." But this same chick has had mental breakdowns and I haven't said get over it. I'm still very upset at the person who broke my heart.