WisteriaSky233 's dagbok, 06 mar 24

I remember readingsome of your posts a while ago, over a year maybe (?) and thinking: what is this young strong woman doing with this man? I don't know you but I think you know the answer deep down. While it will be tough, you will come out stronger in the end. Live your life. It's too short to waste being unhappy! 

@22again I feel so bad that it hasn't worked out like I had hoped. Our third anniversay is the 28th. My friends, and employers both, told me last night after work that I am not the same woman I was and it will be bad to end it but I have been trying for so long. I think I owe it to Hubs to try to stick it out a tad longer. I am someone that writes letters the best when it is it serious. 

Is there any counseling you guys can do? 

I am with liv. I too remember when you were having issues before. Once you have given up it's difficult to come back . At least that is how it is with me. It sounds like communication is an issue. You mentioned letter writing is your way of getting feelings out. Seems like your husband doesn't want to communicate either. With not knowing you it's hard to give specific advice but I do think counseling would benefit you guys. Hoping for the best for you!🩷 

If you both don't feel comfortable or don't have a schedule for going to the office for a counseling session. I might suggest looking into remote counseling. That way you can stay at home in a relaxing comfortable safe feeling place. 

He is unwilling for counseling because he doesn't like "other people" in our marriage. So that's a no-go. 

So maybe just you go to counseling without him to help sort out your feelings and make a good decision. 

I think you know the answer and it is hard to get to that position as no one wants to call it quits. If everyone has given their 100% and tried it is best to move on. It is hard but life will be better on the other side but just know healing takes time.  

It’s over. Get over it. Move on 

@Redporchlady I do but yes, I don't want to have that talk. But it went south very quickly. Since January it has been spiraling. 

I've been following your posts. Your positivity, kindness, and integrity shine through and have been uplifting for me. When your husband & his boss/friend charged thousands of dollars to your credit card without your knowledge, my heart broke for you. It takes two to make a trusting marriage. You deserve to be cherished or single. I've been where you are, and it looks to me like financial and emotional abuse. I hope you'll free yourself sooner than later, before your lives and legal responsibilities are more intertwined. Sending you lots of support and keeping you in my prayers.  

@HealtyNow Thanks, he andI had some good times. Lately it has just been awful. He works 12 hours, 7 days a week and no off-time. When he is home, he is tired and falls asleep or canbe grumpy. We have no life right now. 

At least he is working and not at the bar. I know that doesn’t help but it’s something. 

Isn’t he a lot older than you too? 

@Mistybenner Yes, almost 60 & I'm almost 38 

You do you and I”ll do me is a happy relationship.. 

I’m praying for you. ❤️🙏🏼 It really takes a 100% effort on both partners to work towards healing the ruptures in a marriage. I agree with ancienthippie, individual counseling would be very supportive before you make your decision. ❤️❤️ 

I agree with Joe Not Exotic; it’s time to cut ties, I’ve said it before. If he isn’t willing to save the marriage then it’s time to part ways; there is other option other than divorce; you could try a separation period of 3-6 months. Just a thought and suggestion. 

Disclosure: I'm not an attorney. I am someone who committed to marriage believing we were a partnership and he cared about my well-being... turns out he was in it for convenience and a "nurse with a purse". Check with a legal clinic or attorney, but I think you're in a "community property" state, which means if you decide to separate rather than initiate divorce proceedings, it is important to have a legal vs informal separation. You share both debt and income until the legal line is drawn. You don't want to find out later that he took on a bunch of debt to pay for an apartment (or revenge toys & trips) that you have to pay for. 

You say you think you owe it to your hubs to try to stick it out a tad longer. Have you ever said that before? How long have you been trying to stick it out for? How much effort have you put into saving your marriage? How much has he done? I haven't read all your posts about your husband, but it sounds like he has breached your trust multiple times and is not really trying to regain it, or reconnect with you. It's scary to do something different, and it's sad to have to end a relationship, but you can do hard things and you can make a better life for yourself. You can be successful even if this marriage doesn't succeed. Is it better to stay married but your heart and happiness fail, or to end your marriage so then you can find lasting happiness?