WisteriaSky233 's dagbok, 20 feb 24

I really hope things smooth out between you and your husband. I'm not sure how you feel about marriage counseling, but that would be something I would consider if I was going through something similar. I'm rooting for you both to get through this. ❤️ 

If you can suffer and struggle together, your relationship will work. But if the relationship only works during good times and falls apart during the tough times, then you have to decide. Can you accept that fact and live with it forever? Or do you need to leave? You can't count on anyone else ever changing how they see you or how they act toward you, no matter how much you may want them to. So the only question is - do you accept this person being like this forever? Or do you need to leave? My question sounds quite blunt and I'm sorry for that, my heart really goes out to you. I hoped for many years that a person in my life would FINALLY see me but they never did. And I realized they were never going to. And it was a huge relief to move on and stop needing them to. 

Sorry I know this is hard. I am in my second marriage of over 20 years but I do have a motto. Is it something that I can fix? If not can I let it go? If not find a solution. My question is you are used to him being gone so is it the switching to nights that is causing issues or is there something else behind it. In my first marriage my ex was gone 1-2 weeks and when he came home he did not spend time with me and was verbally abusive. My husband today travels a lot and is gone a week at a time but always home on the weekends usually. He spends all his time with me or we make an effort to make sure we do everything together when he is home. I agree with Swayneman and maybe you can get some counseling to help you navigate the hard times.  

So sorry 

my heart goes out to you. My first husband was abusive, mostly verbally. It was finally our children that made me decide to leave. He disappointed my older daughter one time too man. My heart goes out to you. It's a horrible situation to be in. 

Go to individual counseling without your husband knowing. See if you want to stay in this marraige or not. DO NOT go to marraige counseling this does not work. Going to individual counseling allows YOU to see what you might not want to see in the marriage and/or fix the marraige or leave the marrige. Wishing you all the best. take care 

@Redporchlady There are many issues beyond the working nights but he has absolutely no off time. And he is unwilling to find other work. So I am just going to live life single. 

Sorry that can wear on a person if he is working so much that he has no time with you. My ex would not listen to anything and being verbally abusive in front of the kids was the final straw for me. I hope you can find a solution or agree that you may have to move on. No matter your decision it is hard either way and it hurts to go thru it. Maybe confide in your closest girl friend. I know I did and when I did the flood gates opened up and she told me so many things!  

Sorry you are in that situation, 100% agree that doing marriage counseling won't help unless you both get individual counseling and decide if this life is waht you want.  

Well he is 100% against counseling and whatever I decide will have to be me urging. called him around 1:30 and he wasn't angry. Said he was still "hurt" He's hurt?! Whatever  

Giving a husband's perspective, (married 26 years now - getting old). My wife and I have had a few fights here and there but nothing that sounds like what you are going through. If my wife asked to go to counseling, I'd go immediately. A good relationship (in my opinion) is one where you both want to do whatever you can to make the other one happy.  

So sorry to hear what you are going through. I left my first marriage for a bunch of reasons, but the pivotal moment came to me one night when I realized that I’d never felt so lonely and isolated in my entire life (and my ex was sitting right next to me watching t.v.)! I had and still have wonderful life-long girlfriends so it wasn’t that, and he was generally a good, moral man (which made me feel guilty for feeling so empty). He was just extremely selfish and had his own interests (extreme athlete). So training, events, sleeping; training, events, sleeping (wash, rinse, repeat). As a result, we mostly lived separate lives.. That was not my idea of marriage or a partnership. I found it easier being on my own then feeling the loneliness of wanting something and someone he could never be. If your husband is unwilling to go to counseling, it seems he’s telling you your marriage is not important enough. Even my selfish ex ‘found’ time, which helped us to separate amicably and have closure. Today, I have a great partnership with my husband of 25 years. (Not going to lie, there have been ups and downs there for sure)! But, I know for a fact that we are truly in this life together. I wish you the very best.  

I’m not going to give advice because I’m a mere 48 and I don’t know much about anything. :-) What I will tell you is that I’m going to take a literal two minutes right now and pray that you would have an idea in the next 24 hours that will give you wisdom to handle the situation. Anyone married more than a few years knows exactly what you were going through.  

… and I admire your vulnerability. 

My heart goes out to you. It looks like you have not even been married for 3 years and to be this unhappy is very telling. Life is much too short to be unhappy for so much of it. 

sorry to hear. counseling? sounds like you need a mediator if he acts like that during a conversation and a therapist could hopefully help.  

Do NOT give up on your marriage!!!!!! I will be praying for you!  

..... Certainly give up on your marriage if it makes you both miserable. :( logically explore all options. Life is too short to be unhappy. Just because of a legal document filed at the courthouse  

Money problems are the worst - that should be the first thing you two are fixing! Best of luck to you, divorce is hard. 

Divorce is hard, I thought my world had ended, and that life certainly did. But what I found on the other side was joy. If there is no joy in your life, then perhaps you're not living the life you deserve. 💚💜💛