gonegirl40 's dagbok, 02 jan 22

January 2, 2022

I just want to say a sincere thank you to everyone who took the time to comment on my first post. It meant so much to me to see how the words of encouragement and support. This is the first time I’ve ever publicly talked about my weight and my struggles and I wasn’t sure what to expect on this app. I knew I could count calories, but I didn’t realize there was a whole community out there. It makes me feel like I’m not alone on this journey and that means a lot. I will have to figure out how this newsfeed works so I can follow all of you as well and we can support each other along our journeys!

Today I will face the almighty grocery store! I plan to put in my headphones and listen to music while I shop. My hope is that if I see something tempting I’ll just dance my way right past it lol

Eating healthy is the goal, but I’m not the best cook and not very creative in the kitchen when it comes to meals so I tend to eat the same thing over and over again because it’s easy. I also have a lot of food restrictions I primarily put on myself, non-dairy, non-sugar, vegan. Food has been my enemy my whole life and I’m trying to change the way I think about it, which is hard.

I was a baker, a very good baker, that’s how I got to the size I am now, ugh. Baking was my passion, I loved it so much, but I discovered I was addicted to sugar, and had to give up baking and sugar. I had no self control over it. I couldn’t just eat one cookie or cupcake, I’d eat the whole thing, and it was embarrassing. I’ve never figured out how to control myself around sugar. It really is a dangerous drug. I say drug because it’s more addictive than cocaine. And the worst part about sugar is that it’s literally in everything, and it’s so hard to avoid completely. Pizza, I love pizza, if pizza were a man I’d marry it I love it so much lol But I’m sure there’s sugar in the sauce and maybe even some dough, and I can eat the whole thing, which isn’t good. I’m really trying to figure it out but it’s so hard.

When it comes to dairy, my body is just like nope, nope, nope lol Breaks my damn heart! I love dairy! Sour cream, yogurt, cheese! Can’t have any of it or I get sick. Aside from the occasional pizza, which is worth the pain, I’ve had to give it all up. The good news is that in todays world there’s lots of vegan options now. Planet Oat Extra Creamy is the perfect cream replacement in coffee, so I don’t feel like I’m missing anything there. And there’s some vegan cheeses that aren’t bad, like Chao and Violife, but some of them are the worst lol

And when it comes to meat, I’ve never been a big red meat eater, but I loved chicken. If you are a meat love I don’t recommend watching the documentaries on the meat and dairy industries, boy oh boy it was hard to recover mentally lol I still eat meat but not very often. I’d say I’m mostly vegan at this point. My doctor said vegan diets tend to be high in carbohydrates which can also affect your health so it’s just like what now?! Ugh.

My relationship with food is just not a good one, it’s very toxic. I’m working with a therapist to try to change my negative associations with food but it’s a very slow process.

Anyhow, I’m off to the grocery store, wish me luck! I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing lol

XO
Michelle

---

1435 kcal

Fett: 42,33g | Prot: 43,67g | Kolh.: 225,01g.   Frukost: Basil, Cherry Tomatoes, Onions, Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Egg White. Lunch: Ore-Ida Bagel Bites Three Cheese. Middag: Vegetable soup, Genji Brown Rice Avocado Cucumber Roll. Snacks/Annat: Dried Prune, Cuties Mandarin Orange. mer...