Thursday means that the weekend is on the horizon...if you squint really hard, you might be able to see it!! Happy Thursday everyone. I hope you are all having a fantastic day. I wasnt going to post today, but I have been told that there are people here who look for my posts when they log on, so I dont want to let anyone down. This post will be brutally honest though, and I am not very happy today. I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I have always been the fat kid. I am so tired. I am beat down, worn out, and just done. I weigh in tomorrow, and I truly feel like it will be going up, not down and that just makes me want to cry. I just want to curl up in my bed and sob my little heart out. I know that weight fluctuates, I know that hormones, water, sodium, poop, blah blah blah all have a factor in what you weight, but I am so tired of being fat. I am tired of being tired, tired of being gross and ugly. I am just tired. There is a member here that everyone really likes and respects, but for some reason they are nothing but unkind to me. I dont know what I have done, I dont know why this person doesnt like me, but whenever they comment towards me, they are rude and sometimes hurtful. Nothing that I normally cant handle, but this morning, I am feeling sorry for myself, so to see them say what they said, it just took the wind out of my already partially deflated sail. Calling me out for not weighing in, when I do it every Friday. Yeah, when I first started here, I didnt have a scale to use, so I shared my progress through non-scale victories, like being able to walk into a store with my husband, or wearing shirts that hadnt fit in a long time, but when I found a scale that would weigh me, I did it. I weighed and posted and showed the whole world that I was a fat girl so desperately trying to be thin, trying to fit that the world calls "normal", trying to love myself and see whatever it is my husband sees when he calls me beautiful. I thought that sharing those things would motivate people, help them see that even this lazy stupid girl could finally do something. But apparently, to some people, thats not enough. You have to put numbers into a box. I could easily click that "weigh in now" and type 135lbs and no one would be the wiser, because no one can see me, you dont know what I look like. You dont know that my arms are so fat that shirts in my body size still sometimes squeeze my arms, that I am such an awkward size that my pants are always either too long or too short, that there are days that my wedding rings will fall off if I wash my hands, but then there are days they wont budge because my body likes to swell up. That I can put on my pants in the morning and they fit fine, but because of liquid retention in my legs, by mid afternoon, they are so tight on my calves that the seems are stretching. That there are days that I would rather be dead than 400lbs. I am a flawed, damaged human being and all I am doing here is try to make one part of my life just a little better. You dont know my struggles, or me, so to just judge me by a number in a box, you are missing a bigger picture. I am not going to stop sharing those things, because I know that there are people here who want to hear those things, not just from me, but from all of us. We all want to see someone succeed in this, because if they can do it, so can we! Sometimes the only goodness, kindness, and help that people see are in a place where others are struggling with the same things. I try to be kind to everyone who crosses my path, because you dont know what kind of life they live. I have struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts, I still do and it doesnt help to have a world of people who are unkind to you, just because they think that they can be. Lift people up, dont shove them down, and if they are already down, dont push them further. Today I will pray a selfish prayer, I will pray for me. I will pray for my broken heart, for my crushed and bruised spirit. I will pray for another breath and another moment, just to try to get through the day. I will pray for those who hurt me, that they see light in this world even when they just show dark. I will pray for my body, as damaged and flawed as it is, I will pray to see something more than just fat. I will thank God for another day, I will pray that I make the most of it, and maybe by sharing my pain, I can help heal someone else. I pray that the Lord touches all who read this. Give us strength, hope, and a future. In Jesus name I pray, Amen. Be good to each other, be kind, be who you would want someone to be to you. Sending love...
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746 kcal
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Fett: 70,05g | Prot: 21,03g | Kolh.: 9,00g.
Frukost: Coffee (Brewed From Grounds), Carrington Farms Pure, Unrefined, Cold Pressed Coconut Oil 100% Organic Extra Virgin, Great Value Heavy Whipping Cream Ultra Pasteurized. Middag: Johnsonville Beef Brats, Oscar Mayer Beef Hot Dogs Franks. Snacks/Annat: Kirkland Signature Artichoke Hearts Marinated in Oil. mer...
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![](https://m.ftscrt.com/static/images/box/membersicon.gif) Kommentarer
Amen to that. Uplift and encourage one another. We all will get there.
07 jun 18 av medlem: eatolive4life
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I've only been on FS for a few days,but I want you to know how much your posts have meant to me. I suffer with some serious depression and your sincere posts touch me and give me a reason to keep trying with many aspects of my life. Don't focus on people who are unkind. Know that you help even strangers, like myself, with your willingness to share your heart.
07 jun 18 av medlem: scennas
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I am right there with you!!! I feel so down on myself today. I know I will snap out of it, but good lord it sucks.
07 jun 18 av medlem: katjosh2203
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The biggest of hugs coming your way Klynn, a beautiful soul like you deserves only good things not negative vibes. Take care of yourself and don't let the b's grind you down x
07 jun 18 av medlem: MarnieW
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This makes my heart hurt. 💔. You ARE a beautiful person honey...inside AND out! You keep doing you! Keep posting, keep fighting and in your own words “keep pushing”!!
I will tell you that your posts have and will continue to inspire and uplift so many people who are fighting right along side of you. Don’t ever stop being you. If you ever need to talk...about anything..reach out to me. Please. Much love and prayers sent your way Klynn. ❤️🙏😘
07 jun 18 av medlem: ClarityAnn
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Kee4p at it kiddo. The journey is a step at a time. Your thoughtful posts are terrific. A healthy spirit has to be a part of a healthy body. Think good thoughts. Success to you wherever you choose it to be. You are making me work harder. LOL - I am looking forward to the day when I can have some low carb pizza and a couple (light) beers again. I'm shooting for early September. I hope I can make it till then.
07 jun 18 av medlem: mochafudge1
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Klynn, you are gorgeous. I remember when I first read one of your posts and saw your picture. I thought: Wow, she is beautiful.’ Remember ‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent’ (Eleanor Roosevelt). You do you! Someone posted on FS not too long ago ‘picture yourself 6 months from now if you keep going. Now picture yourself 6 months from now if you stop.’ That really hit me and I think about that everyday to keep me focused. You have come so far....stay positive and keep the faith.
07 jun 18 av medlem: Kelli2359
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My dear Klynn82, such a moving post. I want to offer you and everyone needing to be uplifted my next journal post, "Desiderata." It has gottn me though many dark days.
07 jun 18 av medlem: Miraculum
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I wasn't able to go online on Thursday for this post (today is Friday) But I just want you to know, you are amazing :-) I realize things can get us down and yes we all may kind of realize that we are unique and a good person but still when you are down for whatever reason, knowing those things might not change how we feel at that moment, But again, you are amazing :-)
08 jun 18 av medlem: JMA312
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I think that sometimes people feel that by calling out what they perceive as another's shortcomings that they're providing information or "tough love" or something. My dad launched into his tirade against diet soda last night as his gal pal and I each "indulged" in a can. He does this EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. and I put up with it because he's older and I respect him. Last night... I cracked. I was very polite but I said, "Hey Dad, guess what? I'm an adult. I'm not an idiot. I know all about drinking a can of chemicals and its potential harm and I DON'T CARE." He just sat there with his mouth open while his gal pal snickered a little. If I drink a Diet Dr. Pepper or whatever once a day, I will not die. Could I drink something else? Yes, but I don't want to! Or, rather, I'd rather drink a Classic Coke or a milk shake, or something delicious, but I don't want all that sugar in me. So... my dad quieted down and continued eating his way through 2 bowls of fatty, salty, delicious potato chips (I had my 1 ounce serving). When he was finished, it gave me enormous pleasure to (politely) point out that he had been complaining of water retention in his legs and that eating all that sodium likely hadn't helped him. I asked him if he'd taken a walk that day (no). Who's taking care of their health? Mmm hmmmm.
Klynn82, you are doing what you need to do. You didn't get to 400 pounds accidentally and it's going to be just as intentional to break a lifetime of habits so that you can make the changes you're ready for. One step at a time. You go, girl!
08 jun 18 av medlem: SoCalPam
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By the way, you can delete other people's comments on your journal. As soon as you see that person's name, DELETE. On the other hand, only getting praise may not be the way to grow. Sometimes having a friend gently point out that we're straying too much can wake us up and help direct our paths. When you're on a public board, you're going to get everyone and their opinions, right?
08 jun 18 av medlem: SoCalPam
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SoCalPam, of course, I expect it on my own journal. I know that everyone is going to have their own opinions and ideas. What happened was, I commented on another persons journal, giving them support. Another member then commented that I "should have told them..." and went into a false story about me based on little to no fact and wholly based on assumption. And it got out of control at that point. I dont mind people coming to me and giving me advice, some I will take, some I will ignore, but dont lie about me on someone elses journal for no other reason than to be a jerk, ya know.
08 jun 18 av medlem: Klynn82
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Klynn82...have your cry...you sound like you've earned it!! Sometimes we need that kind of release. Your post had me in tears...because you could be my twin sister...I share, almost exactly, the same kinds of weight issues. We could have been twins! Just remember...your weight does not define YOU. Your kindness, compassion, and determination are what defines you! Don't stop! You got this... :)
08 jun 18 av medlem: tanniemcm
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SoCalPam I too ejoy a refreshing a can of Classic Coke. Nectar of the gods. I figure moderation in all things. I really don't care that it can dissolve a penny in four days. Last time I checked, I'm not a copper/ zink alloy.
08 jun 18 av medlem: lindakay216
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I usually go for a diet Dr Pepper, but prefer Coca-Cola, I'm definitely not listening to anyone that's scarfing down potato chips.
08 jun 18 av medlem: @philrmcknight
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